


Uncomfortable

by Tristin



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Angst, F/M, bad sportsmanship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-07-11 13:11:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7053127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tristin/pseuds/Tristin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I saw them before I heard them. They were hiding in the bushes across the lawn, I could see their flashlights from the window of my darkened bedroom. I was thirteen at this point in my life and had read enough thriller and adventure books to know what to do.</p>
<p>I crawled out of bed and to the door, trying my hardest to imitate what I imagined a spy would do. I opened the door slowly just a crack, just enough to see more flashlights shining in the window by the front door. I closed the door and thought of emergency messages a spy might communicate to their parents in the next room.</p>
<p>Intruders, I tapped on the wall with my knuckles. I smiled to my clever self when I heard my parents bed creak as they both shot out of bed.</p>
<p>"If the kid's asleep, leave her, we don't know if she's divergent yet," a male voice whispered directly outside my window. "We're supposed to make this look like an accident."</p>
<p>Fara was born Erudite, pawned off on Abnegation, and now she's Dauntless.</p>
<p>Eric/OC pairing, takes place the year before Tris leaves Abnegation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

I didn't think my parents were different. They seemed like everyone else in Erudite; slim from skipping too many meals so they could finish their project or book, glasses—though no one knew who really needed them, dark circles under bloodshot eyes from too many late nights, and spouting off any fact they knew about whatever you were talking about.

Apparently, however, they were very different. From what I've gathered about them over the years, they were both divergent and were apart of a secret organization to stop the hatred and murders of divergents.

I saw them before I heard them. They were hiding in the bushes across the lawn, I could see their flashlights from the window of my darkened bedroom. I was thirteen at this point in my life and had read enough thriller and adventure books to know what to do.

I crawled out of bed and to the door, trying my hardest to imitate what I imagined a spy would do. I opened the door slowly just a crack, just enough to see more flashlights shining in the window by the front door. I closed the door and thought of emergency messages a spy might communicate to their parents in the next room.

Intruders, I tapped on the wall with my knuckles. I smiled to my clever self when I heard my parents bed creak as they both shot out of bed.

"If the kid's asleep, leave her, we don't know if she's divergent yet," a male voice whispered directly outside my window. "We're supposed to make this look like an accident." I army crawled back to my bed and under my covers, ruffling my hair to look like bed head in the process.

I wish I could say I was as brave as my parents were that night, I wish I could say I fought off the enemy with them and that we were as kick ass as I felt when I tapped Morris code into the wall to warn them. I shut my eyes and left the plane of reality, I felt like I really was asleep and this was some bazaar dream that would make me think twice before I fell asleep reading murder mysteries again. Their screams echoed and I felt the vibrations of them fighting. They obviously fought hard, because when I "woke up" that morning the house was a disaster.

Tables and chairs were knocked over or thrown across the room, there was more blood than any thirteen year old should ever see, blood on the walls, blood on the carpets, blood on my parents clothes, blood running down a cut on my mother's throat, blood oozing from the gun shot wound in my father's temple. It must have been some accident.

The newspapers said my father went insane from overworking himself and killed my mother before killing himself. They said the gun was registered under my father's name and that I had a diagnosed sleeping disorder that caused me to have been sleeping so heavily I didn't hear the gunshot.

That last one is true, I didn't hear a gunshot, though I was thinking more along the lines of a silencer and not so much a sleeping disorder.

Everything except the gossip was over after only a few days, including the funeral—both of my parents were cremated, as per their wishes according to their wills, though I remember them wanting otherwise. During these days I stayed in one of the hospital rooms while they found somewhere to put me.

I had no relatives. I couldn't live by myself at thirteen. I was an unusual case.

Not many people who die in Erudite leave kids behind. They die of old age when all of their children have grown up and can take care of themselves. Erudite is essentially the safest place among all of the factions. Amity has farming accidents every other week, Abnegation go into the factionless sector every week, Candor deals with violent criminals, and Dauntless are just plain reckless. Erudite has the best hospital with the best medicine and the smartest doctors. If something's affecting your health you can know and be cured of it within the hour at Erudite. So not a lot of parents die.

However great Erudite's healthcare is, they couldn't find and help my dad's supposed mental illness, causing him to kill his wife and himself, leaving a thirteen year old girl with no place to live.

Before the war, they used to have families who wanted kids like me, because medicine was shit back then and parents apparently died a lot more frequently. These families sometimes couldn't have kids of their own, so they would take in kids who don't have parents. People not being able to have kids isn't a problem with Erudite medicine, so the government will usually pass you off to some kind, Abnegation family until the choosing ceremony. 

The family I was placed with consisted of two parents, one son, and one daughter. They were boring and typical Abnegation in every conceivable way. I won't even go into detail about them, because they were the epitome of Abnegation; when the founders made the Abnegation faction, they pictured this family.

I tried my best to fit in with them, just for the sake of civility, but they were too selfless and caring. Don't get me wrong, they were amazing people, but with me being an obvious Dauntless and them being literal angels, we just never "clicked". Their idea of winding down was volunteering, whereas mine was going for a run. Their idea of a good time was, again, volunteering, and mine was going out with friends.

I didn't actually know if I would enjoy going out with friends, because all of mine abandoned me once I became Abnegation, but it seemed like something I might like.

I didn't like volunteering and I didn't have any friends for the three years I was in Abnegation, so I spent my time in the gym—not training, they don't allow you to train for anything before the choosing ceremony. I knew I had to be in prime shape for Dauntless initiation, and by watching the Dauntless born running around the city and jumping on trains, I knew I needed to start with running.

It was no secret I was choosing Dauntless. I all but announced it every time I walked into a room. And then I did announce it. There were no gasps of shock as I confidently walked up the stage and with no hesitation sliced open my hand over a bowl of hot coals. There were only the sounds of a hundred Dauntless members welcoming me to the family.


	2. Chapter Two

The aptitude test was administered to me by a member of Candor, which frightened me at first. If I ended up Divergent like my parents, I'd be done for; there was no way I'd be able to convince a Candor to lie about my results. That was if I would even want them to lie. Since my parents had died, I'd been conflicted on how to feel about Divergents. I loved my parents, and they were Divergent, but another part of me was angry that they were different. Being different killed my parents, and I didn't want to be different.

"Jones, Fara."

My legs trembled as I stood and followed the Candor into the mirrored room.

"Please, take a seat," they gestured to the only seat in the room. They attached wires to my head and held out a drink, "Drink this."

I did as I was told and waited for the simulation to begin. This would be the first time I was under any simulation, and I was a little curious to see what would happen.

One second I was in the room with the Candor, and then I blinked and the Candor and all of the equipment was gone. I was standing in the mirrored room; I couldn't help but look at my reflection, it'd been so long since I could really look at myself as the Abnegation don't believe in vanity.

A voice came from behind me, "Choose."

There were two tables, one holding a knife, and the other holding cheese. I didn't have to think long before choosing the knife, what good would a piece of cheese do?

A growl came from behind me, I spun to find a dog with its hackles raised, looking for a fight. While I don't agree with harming animals, it'd been decades since people had kept them as pets and this dog looked like it meant business, so I didn't have to think about it long before it lunged at me and my knife ended up in its heart.

Suddenly I was on a bus, I looked to my left to find a severely scarred man reading a newspaper. He looked up and noticed me looking at him, he closed the newspaper and lifted it up so I could see the front page where there was a picture of a familiar looking man, though I wasn't sure where I knew him from.

"Do you know this man?" he asked. I shook my head. "Please, tell me if you know him. He did this to me," the man pleaded. I looked him in the eye and saw that while his face was showing pain at having to live with this man free of the crime he committed, he only wanted revenge, not closure.

"I don't know him," I insisted.

I blinked and was back on the chair in the mirrored room with the Candor. I sat up nervously as they detached the wires.

"Dauntless," they said with finality.

When I took my seat with the other Dauntless initiates at the choosing ceremony, for the first time since my parents died I'd felt peace and true excitement.

I knew my training the past three years had paid off right away when the Dauntless took off running and I could keep up with them, whereas the other initiates were having trouble. This earned me a few impressed looks by the Dauntless-born. Even more so when I didn't hesitate to climb up the tracks. Jumping on the train was harder than I thought it would be, I'd been watching the Dauntless kids do it everyday at school, but they definitely made it look easier than it was. I made it on the second to last compartment, along with five Dauntless, one Erudite, and one Candor.

I looked out as the city blurred by, I smiled to myself as I took my first leap off the train with the other initiates, and I felt pride that I'd finally taken the first step into becoming myself.

Then I felt embarrassed because while I knew I had to roll once I hit the roof, that was something I'd stupidly never practiced. So when I hit the roof, instead of rolling like the Dauntless-born, I landed on my elbows and knees and slid a few feet, causing my clothes to tear and my flesh to scrape.

Way to make an impression, Fara, I thought as I got up and brushed myself off.

Everyone was gathering around two men near the ledge of the building, so I followed the crowd.

"My name is Max!" one of them shouts, "I am one of the Dauntless leaders; this is Eric, this is his first year as a leader." Now that he had everyone's attention he was speaking at a normal volume. "Several stories below us is the members' entrance to our compound. If you can't muster the will to jump off, you don't belong here. Our initiates have the privilege of going first."

I didn't know why we couldn't just use the door, every building has a door, but I did know that initiation started as soon as I jumped on that train, and I knew I wanted to be Dauntless more than anything in the world. I also knew that it wasn't very likely that they would try to kill us this soon into initiation, and none of the Dauntless-born looked nervous.

I stepped forward, taking off my Abnegation jacket.

"The stiff is jumping first?" one of the Dauntless-born questioned.

"She's not a stiff, she's a nose. That's Fara Jones," someone else so kindly mentioned.

"Divergent alert," someone coughed. Unlucky for them, I was walking right by them when my fist swung itself into their head.

"I don't know, she seems pretty Dauntless to me," Eric said. "Don't make me regret saying that," he said quietly once I was in earshot.

As I looked over the edge of the building I realized why we couldn't use the door, there wasn't one. There was, however, a giant hole in the ground; I'm guessing they're making us jump from this height to test us again, like jumping off the train. I was starting to see a pattern here, if they tell you to jump, you're supposed to ask how high.

Thankfully, I'm not afraid of heights.

"Fuck it," I said, and jumped. As I fell I could hear Eric laughing, I was swallowed by the hole and caught by a net.

"She didn't scream," someone muttered in astonishment.

"A stiff?" came another voice.

A hand was held out to help me off the net.

"What's your name?" they asked once I was on the ground again.

I'd have given him a fake name, but everyone had heard my name and seen my face in the newspapers before. "Fara Jones," I said in disdain.

His eyebrows rose before he shouted "First jumper, Fara Jones!"

There was a moment of shocked silence before a scream interrupted it, followed by a falling body.

One by one, more bodies fell until there was no one left to jump.

"Welcome to Dauntless!" the man who helped everyone off the net announced followed by the rowdy cheers of Dauntless members.


	3. Chapter Three

The initiates were separated from the Dauntless-born, we were to be trained separately; this surprised me, in both Erudite and Abnegation both groups were together. Though I supposed the initiation processes were extremely different.

There were two initiates from Erudite, three from Candor, and, surprisingly, two from Amity.

"My name is Four, if I hear of anyone calling me otherwise they will be dealt with by the top initiate from last year, which was me. I'll be showing you around today, and then tomorrow we begin training." He started walking down some sort of tunnel, it would have looked medieval had there been flame torches instead of light bulbs. "You're about to enter the pit, don't judge it too harshly, it's the heart of Dauntless."

Walking out of the tunnel, I was suddenly in a giant cave, like, a literal cave the size of a football field. Several shops of infinite kinds lined the stone walls.

I was very excited to find everyone clad in black. Black was my favorite color and I couldn't wait to finally be able to dress in it. It was very loud with chaos and shouting, it was lively and everything I'd hoped for.

"Keep up, Fara Jones," Four said, group had started to move on while I was ogling. "We're going to the chasm, you'll want to stay with the group. It's a guarantee you guys will still get lost after a week here."

We move forward until the stone floor turns to iron grates and we're very high up, a roaring river beneath us.

"Don't let the idiocy of other Dauntless members give you any bright ideas. A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. I hope to none of you."

I moved closer to the railing so I could see the bottom better.

"Are you serious? What did I just say?"

"I was just looking!" I snapped.

"Come to the front of the group," he ordered. "Stay near me for the rest of the tour." I glared at him, letting him see the entirety of my fury, but moved to the front nonetheless.

We followed him through a giant hole in the wall across the Pit. The next room was obviously the dinning room, with the cafeteria style tables and tons of food. When we walk in, the Dauntless inside stand. They applaud. They stamp their feet. They Shout. They show us the definition of Dauntless as a welcome. A congratulations.

I take an empty seat near an Amity transfer and we both start digging in. Him, because he's used to eating a lot to keep up energy, and me, because I hadn't had a hamburger in three years.

Amity started looking at me a little strangely when I finished mine before him and reached for a second, and third. "You're going to throw up if you keep going," he told me.

"For three years, I've only been eating unseasoned chicken breast, bread, and mixed vegetables."

His eyes widened. "I have a feeling you'll be here a while, they'll be plenty more hamburgers. Trust me, it's not worth the upset."

I looked disdainfully at the platter in front of me, knowing that I was training tomorrow, so I wouldn't want to be sick. Also it wasn't a good first impression to make. I slumped back as the cafeteria doors opened, and a hush fell over the room. I could hear the man's footsteps as he walked to a table.

I turned to see who it was, and found it was only Eric. He'd only been here a year, what kind of reputation could he have made himself in that short amount of time? Someone switched tables when Eric sat down, so apparently a bad one.

As soon as his ass hit the bench, the noise was back as if it never left. I shared a look with the Amity boy, basically saying 'what the fuck'. He awkwardly picked at his food, and I sipped at my milk.

After dinner, Eric corralled all of the initiates down a series of hallways, completely silent. No one told us to be quiet, but none of us spoke. He stopped in front of a wooden door and put his hands behind his back. We gathered around him.

"In case you've forgotten, my name is Eric," he said. "I am one of five leaders of the Dauntless. We take the initiation process very seriously here, so I volunteered to oversee most of your training."

It seemed a little odd to me at first that Dauntless would use a leader's time to help train, but it was his first year as a leader, so he couldn't have had too many important things to focus on. Though, maybe Dauntless really did take initiation that seriously.

"Dauntless may be known as the rowdy faction, and some people might get the impression that we don't have any rules. Those people would be wrong. We all have rules to follow and people to answer to. Your rules are simple for now, you have to be in the training room by eight o'clock every day. Training takes place every day from eight to six, with a break for lunch. You are free to do whatever you like after six. You guys will get two days off between each stage of initiation."

I hadn't been able to do whatever I wanted since Erudite, in Abnegation if I did anything that only benefited myself I was scorned.

"You are only permitted to leave the compound when accompanied by a Dauntless. Behind this door is the room where you will be sleeping for the next few weeks. Any questions yet?" He looked around, but no one spoke. "You're a quiet bunch, I think I'll like you guys. Anyway, in the first stage of initiation, we keep the transfers and Dauntless-born separate, but that doesn't mean you'll be evaluated as such. At the end of initiation, you rankings will be determined in comparison with the Dauntless-born initiates, who are already better than you. I say this, not to scare you, but to drive you; you will have to work hard to catch up to them."

One of the Erudite transfers raised their hand, "Why are we being ranked?"

Eric smiled, "I was wondering when a nose would rear its head. Two reasons, the first is that it determines who can get which jobs, and the second," he chuckled darkly, "determines who gets cut. Dauntless is a serious faction, despite it's reputation, and we only want wolves, not pups."

He pauses to look around, content that he'd stunned us with his reveal. "We only welcome ten initiates into Dauntless; four are cut after stage one, and the rest after the final test."

The others looked scared, but not me. I knew I'd be number one and I wouldn't accept anything less from myself.

"What happens if we're cut?" a Candor asked.

"Well, let's just say you'll be less than a faction."

"What?" the Amity boy I sat with at lunch asked; Eric looked annoyed that he hadn't gotten it.

"You'll be factionless," I said.

"Correct," Eric smiled.

His smile quickly disappeared as a Candor girl opened her mouth, "That's not fair!"

"It doesn't have to be. That's how it is. If you'd have chosen differently out of fear of being factionless, you shouldn't have chosen Dauntless. Up until now you've only had one job in your lives, figure out who you are and pick that faction. There's even a test to help you decide, you have no excuse for picking a faction you don't belong in. If you're really one of us, it won't matter that you might fail. And if it does, you're either a coward or divergent."

My stomach coiled.

He pushed the door open, "If you're suddenly doubting your placement here, don't bother entering this room."


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone walked through those doors with the same intention as me, to beat initiation and prove you could do it, but I was the only one with the proper amount of ambition to get to the very top.

There were two rows of four beds, each with black attire folded neatly at the foot, including military issued combat boots. Everyone except the Amity transfers changed into the new colors and prepared for bed. The Amity initiates stood staring at the beds they picked next to each other, both had different expressions on their faces, the boy I ate dinner with was determined and the other was mourning their lost faction family.

While I was content to just fall asleep and begin training the next day, the others had other ideas, such as crying silently to sleep or sobbing hysterically into their pillows. Eventually I couldn't take it any longer and went for a walk. I didn't know if I was allowed to be outside the dorm, especially so late, but Eric said we could do what we liked after six, so I decided to risk it.

I walked the route Eric took to get us to the dorm, which led me back to the lunchroom, from there I found the chasm. I sat down with my legs dangling off the edge, resting my head on the railing. I had stupidly allowed myself to relax enough that I'd almost fallen asleep right there. I say almost because had someone not woken me up, I would not be here telling you this story.

"I should have known it'd be you," Eric said.

I jumped and spun around, "What?"

"Every year there's at least one person who comes here on the first night. Or they wander around aimlessly, thinking that some deep thinking over a hundred foot drop will impart some wisdom or courage to help them get through the next few weeks."

While I could see that being true, I was a little confused, "Isn't this your first year as a leader?"

"Yes," was all he said.

After a moments thought I came to a conclusion, "That either means you were born here, Max told you to be on the lookout, or you were that person on the first night. Which is it?"

He smirked, "I know you just came from Abnegation, but God do you sound like a nose. You're gonna want to control that, you already have a reputation."

"I have a reputation every where I go, everyone knows my name and has seen my face in the news. The only difference in treatment is dependent on the faction. Amity conveys pity, Candor conveys suspicion, Erudite: empathy, Abnegation sees me as another person they can help, and Dauntless only sees an outsider."

"How are you an outsider?"

"I was forced from my home faction to a selfless faction only to place myself in a violent one. Some people see me as a divergent seeking refuge, some will see me as someone with bad luck, and others will see me as a confirmation." I was letting my Erudite slip out more than usual in front of Eric, but only because I knew he was also born there; I'd seen him in blue at school only a year ago and he had a face and attitude that stuck in the mind.

"Confirmation?"

"The ones who pay attention can see the rising tensions between Erudite and Abnegation. They all probably have different theories as to why I left Abnegation and didn't return to Erudite. None of them are true."

"Then what is the reason?" he questioned.

"Why did you leave Erudite for Dauntless? Why are my motives being questioned, yet yours weren't? Our reasons are the same. Yes, we were born and raised in Erudite, but our personalities are very much Dauntless. I've wanted to be in Dauntless my whole life, my parents knew, everyone I grew up around knew, my teachers knew. It wasn't a secret. I saw you last year before you deferred, you knew where you wanted to be. It just so happens that you were born in a different place than what your head wanted."

He was quietly thinking for a moment, "You say your heart says Dauntless, but your words are screaming Erudite."

"Oh, so is that why all of your sentences are so short? You think you can only ask simple questions here, because they didn't grow up in a library like us. I'm not going to conform to that standard. We all took something out of our old factions, you can tell by the way the noses have to silence their questions and the banjo-strummers are currently spooning in comfort. I can't just forget the things I learned while I was in Erudite. The same way the Dauntless born have a head start in training because they've grown up around the Dauntless traditions and behaviors."

He looked impressed for a split second, an Erudite reaction to a sensible argument. "Regardless, you can't be out here by yourself."

"But...everyone else is crying and it's awful!"

"Wow. You are definitely not a stiff. That is the most insensitive thing I've ever heard someone say."

"How is it insensitive?" I asked, genuinely confused. "They knew what they were getting into when they made their decision! If they're crying that means they regret leaving their factions, which means they don't belong here!"

Eric squinted his eyes in bewilderment and then understanding flashed across his face. "You said goodbye to your family three years ago, most of them still haven't gotten the chance. Some of them will never get the chance, and they won't know until visiting day."

"Oh." I let that sink in for a moment before the shame had a chance to suffocate me. "Did you cry?"

"No, you were right. I was the person on the first night hoping for some wisdom and courage. Go to bed, nose."

By the time I got back to the dorm, the crying had ceased and I could rest peacefully.

 

Eric's P.O.V.

I walked her to the dorm, waiting until she was securely inside with the door shut before walking away. She was a lot different than the other transfers, she didn't seem scared at all. It was like she was 100% confident she was supposed to be here and that nothing was going to happen along the way that would prevent her from being in Dauntless. Everyone else was doubting themselves, their decision, their motives.

I made my way towards the leaders's meeting room, coming to my conclusion.

Two sets of eyes zeroed in on me as I entered the room, Max's were exhausted from lack of sleep and Jeanine's held nothing but Erudite curiosity and a morbid determination to destroy anything different.

"Well?" Jeanine asked eagerly.

"I don't think she's divergent. I'd even go as far to say that she's the least likely to be divergent out of this group."

She blinked impatiently. "I need you to be one-thousand percent certain that she is not a threat. Her parents were off the charts divergent; it's more likely that she is divergent than not. You will keep a close eye on her, if you notice anything strange or any discrepancies at all I want you to contact me immediately. I don't care if it's as meaningless as she said she went to the cafeteria when you know she was with her friends somewhere else. Tell me everything. Understood?"

I nodded.

"Good. You may go," she dismissed.


End file.
